I just broke up with my boyfriend. And it sucks. Big time. I’m the one who ended things, but it still hurts. I love him, but he’s not the right person for me, in the long term. We both want really different things in life and ultimately we would make each other miserable. The way I see it, I’m avoiding a larger heartache later on by going through a smaller one now.
Figuring out how to move on from a breakup can be difficult. Here are some tips that have gotten me through it.
Okay, this is a big one. I give myself a day or two to work through the pain and grief. I’ll look at old pictures, and listen to “our” song. Indulge myself in a good cry with some comfort food. For me, it isn’t the stereotypical ice cream. It’s french fries. I don’t judge myself for the extra calories, or the tears.
But then it is time to gather up the reminders and put them out of sight. And hopefully out of mind. I call this the Gilmore Girl method because Lorelei and Rory both placed objects that reminded them of their ex boyfriends in a box and put them in a closet. I loved that show, and I do the same thing.
Okay, so this is the hardest one, in my opinion. If you continue to have contact with an ex, you will never get over him or her. Believe me. I know it’s awful. Once this person was an important part of your life and not talking to them on a daily basis feels awful. But you can’t move on, if you don’t put some distance between you.
If you work in the same place, or have mutual friends, you need to find ways to avoid your ex. And this is going to be very difficult. I only dated someone I worked with once, and it was awful after things ended. Many people want to be friends after a relationship is over, but you can’t shift gears right away. This means don’t “just have coffee” or “hang out” as friends. Not until you have gotten some perspective and emotional distance from the person. If you don’t give yourself time to heal, it will be easy to hang on to those emotions.
No contact also means no digital interactions either. I deleted his phone number and blocked him on social media, so I won’t be tempted to check out what he’s doing. Trust me. Stalking an ex on Facebook will only make you miserable. Do you really want to see pictures of the new girl he’s dating? No, I didn’t think so.
List of Why
After we breakup with someone, it can be easy to focus on good memories and moments you shared. Later on, you can look at the relationship as a whole, both the positive and negative aspects of it. For now, focus on what didn’t work. So, you can create some emotional distance.
I’ve made a list of why getting back together with him would be a terrible idea and I’ve taped it up on the wall for easy reference.
The more idle time I have, the easier it is to think about him. So, I’ve been writing extra blog posts, doing some spring cleaning, and hanging out with my friends. Anything to keep my mind off it.
And this is a weird tip, but watching old episodes of How I Met your Mother on Hulu works for me. Ted Mosby spent years searching for “the one” and eventually found her. Even though I hated the ending, this show gives me hope. And it gives me something to shoot for. I need to find the one and I can’t settle.
Nothing will help you move on from a breakup like taking good care of yourself. This past Sunday, I had a very indulgent self care day. I took a long, hot shower, exfoliated, gave myself a pedicure, and a facial, too. Plus, I drank a couple of glasses of prosecco. Check out my post on quick and easy self care tips to get some ideas. I felt great afterwards. It was a real pick me up.
So far I’ve shared some practical ways to move on from a relationship, but there are a couple of magical things you can do to get some assistance from the universe.
If you need some clarification on the breakup or your relationship, do a simple three card spread (you, partner, relationship). Don’t do this again and again if you don’t get the answer you want or need. Make sure you are calm, centered, and ready to focus before you attempt this spread. I wouldn’t do this until at least a week has passed since the breakup.
You might want to ask what was the purpose of this relationship. I believe everything happens for a reason. And I was supposed to learn something, grow from the experience. Or maybe you want some clarification as to what went wrong. Questions like this can be helpful.
Love and Light Ritual
Breaking up with someone makes us feel vulnerable and emotional. It can expose insecurities, make us doubt ourselves. This is a very simple ritual to remember how wonderful you are. How important.
Light a candle, maybe burn some incense or diffuse some oil. Then sit and close your eyes and picture light bathing you. It’s flowing from the ends of your hair, from your fingertips, surrounding you in a big ball of light. Feel the warmth and the energy flow around you.
And then talk to yourself like a friend would. What do you need to hear? Say it to yourself, because you are your own best friend. We can be unnecessarily harsh on ourselves. Lately, I’ve been doing this before I go to bed at night and telling myself that I’m worthy of the love I seek. It’s very healing.
Find a Quote
One last tip, is to find a quote or even a mantra that is meaningful to you. Something you can keep in mind whenever you start to feel sad. Whenever you start getting upset, focus on it. Repeat it to yourself. Believe it.
This is the one I chose:
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
– Marilyn Monroe
I’d love to hear from you. How do you handle a breakup? What do you do to comfort yourself? Let’s learn from each other.